I Kissed Dating Goodbye

I'm reading Joshua Harris' book about having a new attitude toward romance and relationships. Here's the truth: I'm a die-hard romantic. Which means I like to hold hands with someone while watching Bruce Willis blow stuff up.

No, really, I'm one of those women who thrived in her marriage. It obviously was a one-sided thriving, but I had no control over that. I miss having that best friend/confidant. Mix that in with being a fiction writer and scenarios are running through my head constantly. I'm praying all the time, asking God to guard my heart, show me how to please Him each day, and to control my thoughts.

But I also pray about what I would want in a man. I make a mental list and beg God not to let me compromise on the issues or character traits that are most important to me.

Go back and count how many "I"s and "me"s are in those paragraphs! I've gotten off track in my thinking because I'm focusing on myself. If I'm going to find true love in a future husband, isn't that time better spent on praying for him, whoever he may be? This is a huge break through!

Another idea the book raises is that of waiting in patience and enjoying the gift of singleness. Here's a quote from The Message, 1 Corinthians 7:32-35.

I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you're unmarried, you're free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I'm trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions.

Though being a single parent isn't quite what I would consider a gift, God will obviously teach me BIG lessons through it, and that IS a gift I should enjoy.

Though the target audience for the book is never-married teens and young adults, I'm finding some fantastic jewels in here. I highly recommend it for any single person, age 13 and up. :-)

Will you do something for me? If you know of a single Christian who is living his or her life with transparency and a yearning to please the Lord, tell him or her that you've noticed and you're proud of them. This is a hard place--a place I never expected to be.

Danny Gokey: "Come Rain Or Come Shine"

Want more American Idol videos? Click here.

Proof's in the Pudding

Actually, I hope not. Today, during my son's birthday party, the UPS truck chugged up our driveway. With my page proofs on board.

"It's my book!" I screamed, jumping up and down a few times. Quickly, I pulled it together. "But today is about Josh." And went on with putting candles in the cake. I didn't even answer the door myself!

So after the kids were in bed and the house mostly put back together and American Idol was watched--oh my, Danny Gokey's Come Rain or Come Shine was amazing. I'm SO having that played at my wedding if I ever get married again! There was a line in there I'm going to be true if you let me and it melted my heart. Just posted the video on my blogger and facebook ...

Okay, back on track. I cut the package open and pulled out the heavy stack of pages. It's amazing to see the font, the graphic at the beginning of each chapter, exactly how many pages the manuscript works out to be, ... I just want to scream and dance around. It's really more of flailing of limbs than a Snoopy dance, the enthusiasm is so high!

I know just what I'm putting on the dedication page, but I plan to keep it a secret until the book releases.

Since the Divorce

I received an email the other day from a writer friend.

Lord,
Today I pray peace on Christina,
Hope,
Protection for the hearts of her children,
I pray great joy, and laughter on her,
I pray a settling, a resolve, a healing in the deep places of her soul,
Hold her close Jesus, love on her, draw her into the depths of your grace.

He has a way with words, doesn't he? God has been doing just those things in my life. After the judge signed the decree, I felt ... lighter. After I opened a new solo bank account, I felt ... even freer. It's ironic, as I was so happy when married.

How could I have loved someone so fully, so completely, and yet be so happy without him? Many of you commented on the change in tone of my posts around the lies are Poison in My Bones post. In my heart, that's when I feel we truly separated. I had chosen to accept every part of Kevin, even the parts I would rather have been different, and that freed me up to love him totally. Once I knew I should not be choosing to love him any longer, at least as a wife loves a husband, the bond severed completely. To me, it illustrated the truth that love IS a choice.

Yet I've been surprised how much I crave the companionship of a soul mate. The desire to share my day in an embrace late at night is still with me, but there's no one to share with. I still think of making a special meal as an offering, but there's no one to make that favorite dish for.

So much of my spiritual health was easily measured in my submission and service to my husband. So I still have the desire to submit, the desire to serve, but no person to submit to or serve. I know God is enough for me, and I try to bend those desires to Him and Him alone.

But what did God say about Adam? It's not good for man to be alone. He created us for relationship. He created marriage to show us more about Him. I miss that part of life.

Oddly enough, even with this desire for companionship burning in my heart, I am full of joy. There are times when a circumstance or conversation threatens that joy. Like getting turned down for health insurance after 2 1/2 hours spent filling out the online form. Or discovering the state will take about a month to process my substitute teaching license. Or hearing that another house in our price range took 426 days to sell. Then I have to fight to keep it. I remind myself that God is bigger than all of it. He can do all things, and I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

What threatens your joy? How do you defend your God-given right/command to experience joy in even the worst moments of life?

Free Critique Opportunity

Well, I'm sure all of you are already signed up for the infrequent, humorous Ashberry Lane newsletter (right? right?), but just in case you aren't or it ended up in your spam folder, go to our contest and update page on Ashberry Lane. If you scroll down past the subscription form, you can read the whole beautiful thing. I believe it's a testament to God's gift of hope that we were able to inject so much humor.

Allow me to highlight an important announcement that comes way down on number five.

Keep Christina From Abject Poverty

... and improve your manuscript at the same time! In an effort to do what I love, be home when the kids are home, and help my fellow man/woman, I am launching a freelance editing business. Why now, in the worst economy of my remembered life? Well, why not??

However, there are already tons of highly-skilled editors out there who could do a fantastic job of polishing your manuscript. Just to name a few, I'd recommend Camy Tang's Story Sensei, Meredith Efken's The Fiction Fix-it Shop, and Mary DeMuth's The Writing Spa.

Let's consider them fancy cheesecakes. If you can afford a slice, you'll buy it and it will taste delicious. For the sake of this analogy, we'll even make them calorie-free. There's not a negative thing about them.

I'm offering more of an apple pie service. Down-home food at a bargain price. See, I believe there is a large group of writers who can't quite afford to pay the usual editing rates. Maybe you're one of those authors. Maybe you're looking for a lower price, and are willing to risk it on an unknown like myself. Here are the rough details:

~Fiction Only

~$25 for a Trial Critique of the first fifteen pages*
This allows us to see if our professional relationship will be mutually beneficial

~$1 a page for Full Manuscript Critique, with a credit for the Trial Critique**

~Critiques include both line editing and substantive edits

~Your choice of paper or electronic copy

~Detailed comments, illustrations of writing principles, and recommended resources that will take your writing to the next level

* The first five people who contact me and mention this newsletter will receive a FREE Trial Critique.

** The first person to schedule a Full Manuscript Critique will get $50 off the total cost.

Though this is my first official foray into editing, I have worked through quite a few full manuscripts. Here's what a past client had to say:

Before I hired Christina to edit my manuscript, I sat with her in classes at a writer's conference, where I heard her sort out literary passages and explain them in a clear, easy to read manner. When she returned my manuscript, I was thrilled to find that she had slashed through my mistakes and woodenness, and suggested wonderful changes. Christina is not only talented, but a committed writer. I will ask for her help on my next project.

William Cleek

Contact me now if you'd like one of the three remaining slots!

Love Finds You in Last Chance, CA

Most writers are readers. I constantly have my large nose in a book, so it only makes sense that I was in the middle of a novel when Kevin left. Ironically, it was a romance I had agreed to "influence" for, which basically means I will spread the word about my friend's second book. Though circumstances in my life caused this review to be delayed far more than I'd hoped for, it's a huge reflection on this book that I kept reading it, even as my marriage was ending. I had to know how it would end!

Miralee Ferrell and I met at OCW shortly before her debut novel came out from Kregel. This book, however, was one of the first in the Love Finds You series. Most of the series are NOT your typical romances. There is a strong element of mystery and a flavor of history in Love Finds You in Last Chance, California. Alexia (Alex) Travers is left to run the family's horse ranch when her father unexpectedly, and perhaps suspiciously, dies. Does the newcomer to Last Chance, a handsome cowboy named Justin, have anything to do with the ranch hands quitting, the stolen horses, the missing gold?

The plot never followed a formula. With so many potentially villainous characters, I suspected almost everyone. Miralee did a terrific job of portraying a strong woman's life in a man's world circa 1877.

With a five-star rating on ChristianBook.com and four-and-a-half on Amazon, you probably don't need me to say this, but I highly recommend this book. In fact, it was so good, it makes me want to read the other Love Finds You ... from Summerside Press. Miralee's sophomore effort shows such growth and her talent shines because of honed skills. I can't wait for her next book!

My First Singles' Gathering

Okay, maybe that's not the usual terminology applied to the situation. The county likes to call it a "mandatory parenting class for divorcing couples." Either way, means pretty much the same thing!

And it makes an attention-getting title to a blog.

Kevin and I attended together ... and helped keep each other awake as the interesting, but set in the middle of the afternoon, class played out.

I found myself looking around at the group of us waiting for the doors to open in the basement of the county courthouse and I couldn't help but see the amount of pain in that hallway. The afternoon proved my point. There was the woman who reeked of alcohol and made it clear she felt the whole thing was a waste of time. Or the woman who'd just come out of a domestic violence situation and couldn't speak without breaking into tears. Each of us had our own painful story.

Divorce is hard. Even when you do it to the best of your abilities. (And with so many people holding you up in prayer!) That class was probably the last thing Kevin and I will ever do as a married couple. By the time you read this tomorrow, I may already be officially divorced. And for those of you thinking this was fast--it was! I found out I was going to be single on Feb. 8th, Kev moved out on March 1st, the divorce was filed on April Fool's Day(ha!), and then finalizes on the 22.

I wonder what I will feel tomorrow? Will it be freedom and gratefulness to be out of living in limbo, an excitement to face a hard thing head-on? Or will I feel suddenly weighted as my financial situation will be become bleaker, the emotional abandonment starkly real? Or will it just feel like any other day because our hearts are already split apart?

A Fabulous Interview in the ACFW Afictionado

Despite being due any day, Tiffany Amber Stockon put together a terrific article about my first sale.

Please come read it: Christina Berry's First Sale

I sat here blinking tears back after I finished reading it for the first time. It's been almost a month since we did the interview and God knew I needed to hear some of the things I said again. Praise Him!

I wrote this on the 15th and have NO idea why it said it posted, but then ended up back in my list as a draft! Oh well, it's posted now. And I wondered why no one had commented!

I Feel Like a Real Writer

... for four reasons!

One, I got a letter from Google regarding a class action lawsuit regarding their search feature. They included me because my work may have been searched in an improper manner. Ha! I highly doubt it, since the book isn't out yet.

Two, the OCW newsletter arrived today. It highlights a workshop Mom and I are teaching in May called "Working in Tandem: How to Maximize Your Writing Relationships with Other Writers, Agents, Editors, and Even Co-Authors." An official teacher! Yes, I've taught and spoke before, but never for OCW. It's kind of that "hometown" honor. :-) Sign up if you live near Eugene, Oregon.

Three, my copy editor and I finished every single item on the line edit today! She has been a hoot to work with. Concerning a play on words that didn't quite work as written, I wrote to her, "Well, I'm not married to it. In fact, in a few more days, I'm not married to anything!" But she gets my weird sense of humor, so we've had fun emailing back and forth. She's enjoyed it "berry" much.

Four, also has to do with my general editor. She forwarded my information the way it will appear in the Library of Congress! Did you know that every single book copyrighted in America is in the LOC? First two people to send me a picture of them and my book in the Library of Congress each win a free copy of The Familiar Stranger!

(Um ... you'll have to wait until September to do so.)

From One Extreme to the Other

Can I adopt that as the theme of my life? It could reference my emotions, or the state of cleanliness of the house, or any number of things, but for this blog ... I'm talking Internet.

Two weekends ago, I drove the kids to Athena to visit my brother, SIL, and their family. You may remember reading about them barely escaping a house fire with their lives. Well, I'm such a rotten little sister that I had yet to see their new home a year and a half later! A Friday off school provided the perfect opportunity. Angel helped me pack our stuff on Thursday and we picked the other two up from school.

I didn't stop and let them out of the car for 230 miles! By then, even I was looking forward to the little girl's room, but we certainly made good time. (As opposed to making bad time. I hate bad time! I mean, can you think of anything that smells worse than time that's gone bad?!?)

We stayed until after dinner on Friday and then backtracked an hour to Hermiston to see Kevin's family. Was it weird to go stay with my soon-to-be-ex-husband's family? Yes, if you mean it is unusual for a divorcing couple to get along so well with the other spouse's family. No, if you mean awkward.

They love me. I love them. Why does that have to change because I won't be married to their son? I had considered the fact that I probably wouldn't be able to call them "Mom" and "Dad" anymore, but Dad quickly disabused me of that notion. He gave me both of their permission, with finger in face, to call them whatever I want to! I also got to spend time with Kevin's brothers and their wives, which was healing for all of us, I hope. I found out they've been reading this blog so I will now begin to insert a "secret message inside a message" to them.

Thank you for always acceptIng me, even as the youn girL Kevin brought home from the ROund-Up. These thirteen years as an official part of your family haVE been the best of my life. As YOU know, no matter the legal status of my marriage, you'll always be family to me.

So ... back to the Internet ... My brother had the fastest connection I've yet to use. I went crazy, uploading all those pictures from a few posts ago, zooming through my email, watching videos that would have put me over my data limit here at home. I thoroughly enjoyed it!

My in-laws, however, don't have Internet at all. From sixty to zero in one hour flat. I had brought some counseling paperwork and some home loan paperwork to work on. And guess what? Without the guilt to be blogging or cleaning or marketing or catching up on email I actually got it DONE. I thoroughly enjoyed it, as well.

There's my personality in a nutshell: enjoy whatever you have while you have it!

Virtual Tour of Ashberry Lane!!

I dare you to watch this and NOT want to live here!



There is a list of all of the features of the house on the Ashberry Lane website.

The contact info for the creator of this beautiful video is on the last slide. For all you authors out there, I highly recommend using Q as a graphic designer/producer of your book trailer.

Any takers on the house? :-)

Pictures of Ashberry Lane--Available for Purchase Now!

As promised, here are pictures of Ashberry Lane. It's not just a home ... it's an experience!

The view from our meadow, a few minutes walk from the house:

The golf green from the road by the house:



The top entry with three garages:

Upper level porch, 700 square feet of outdoor living:



The shop, fully insulated with electricity:



The show boat view of the house:



The side view with lower garage:



The lower entry:



Upper Master Suite:



Another view:



Master bathroom, jacuzzi tub:



Double sinks:



The garage. The trap door on the right side leads into the oil pit:



Other upper level bathroom:



Lower living room:



Lower dining room:



Lower kitchen, built in 2006:



Look at those beautiful cabinents!



And a huge island with storage and drawers:



Lower master suite:



Lower Master Bath:



A restful master retreat:



Upper family room:



A different view:



Slider leads to upper deck:



Upper kitchen, with brand new over-sized stainless steel appliances:



More kitchen:



Upper living room:



Upper dining room:



The theater:



The deck!

I'm Going to ACFW!

I got a call yesterday that I am one of the blessed recipients of the ACFW Conference Scholarships!! It really was great news to balance out some of the stress of yesterday. At the same time, I know quite a lot of people applied and didn't get one. I'm sad for them.

This is how I think about it. We all put our 100% into our applications and essays. Then, just like with a manuscript, we send it off and trust God to control 100% of the results. To me, this is confirmation from God to continue to whole-heartedly focus on my fiction.

Have you heard how Danny Gokey caught flack from some American Idol watchers for "capitalizing" on the death of his wife to gain sympathy votes? Come on, people! If you've ever been around a recently widowed person, you would know he thinks about his deceased wife constantly and to NOT talk about her would be abnormal. However, Danny doesn't say much anymore, which makes it all the more emotional for me when he sings about love or loss.

So I asked myself, am I looking for sympathy "votes" because my marriage died? But it came down to this: that is the sole and compelling reason I cannot afford the conference and, thus, cannot be ignored. For any of you interested in what I wrote for my essay, here it is:

A wife imagines her entire life playing out with her loving, faithful husband by her side. And yet, her husband hides so much that he doesn’t even know who he is himself. Sounds like the start of a great story, right? Built-in conflict, high emotion, and relatable circumstances. My debut novel begins this way, but it’s also what happened to me in real life over the past month and a half.

At last year’s conference, the Genesis awards brought quite a lot of editor attention my way and ultimately resulted in my first sale. The project ended up on the fast track and will release a mere sixteen days before the 2009 conference. Every other time I’ve attended a writer’s conference, I’ve been able to look at it as an investment and opportunity to sell my novel. This year, I was looking forward to finding out how it felt to attend as a published author. Would I get even more from the classes since I wouldn’t be slipping in and out for editor appointments? Would God provide a whole new level of challenge and encouragement? Could I say hundreds of people attended “my first book signing” because I would be included with many other authors? The possibilities excited me!

Then my husband left. With him went my best friend, financial security, the ability to be a stay-at-home mom, and the gift of focusing on my writing full time. But more than ever I feel like I should be at the conference. While I cannot even begin to comprehend what my finances will look like until the house sells and I find a “real” job, I do know that I will not be able to justify the transportation, lodging, and conference fee.

I know there will come a year when I miss the conference—and maybe that time is now—but I thrive on the energy, the knowledge, the friendships, the community. The closest I ever feel to heaven on earth is when I’m surrounded by like minded, word-loving, book-crazed people all competing for editor or agents’ time and money, yet generous and encouraging to the last drop of ink in their pens. I know of no other industry that models Christ’s love like the writers of ACFW do: in worship, in prayer, in support, in selfless acts, and even in helping others when they are going through a tough financial time. Thank you for your consideration.

In case you couldn't tell, I think ACFW rocks!