Exposing the Pain of Porn Stars

Years ago, I met Ashley Weis, but I can't even remember how! To know Ashley is to love her, though. Ash, do you remember how we connected? She and her awesome husband, George, did the lovely blog design for me (which I need to update my picture on). After all those asides, I'd love for you to stick around and learn about her debut novel, which I haven't gotten a chance to read yet.

Allyson Graham, marriage counselor and lover of love, lived a life of romance few could imagine. Until her husband's secret addiction stared at her from the computer screen. Will she be able to forgive the man who lied to her all of those precious years?

Follow her painful story alongside the heartbreaking story of Taylor Adams, a young girl searching for her worth in the world. As Allyson struggles to forgive her husband for lying about his addiction, Taylor naively falls into the same self-destructive industry and discovers that the attention and fun is nothing like she thought it would be.

 


Ashley, why did you decide to write Exposed?

  I  wanted to show that love overcomes all things. George and I went through a story similar to Ally and Jessie's story. So I've lived it, although their story is a different. I  actually have more in common with Taylor than Ally, because of  her desire for earthly recognition and her quest for worth and acceptance. But mostly, I wrote Exposed because it just came out of my heart and spilled onto the page. So much of my heart is in this book.

How have you been able to reach out to other women?

Phew. Well. I get a bunch of emails from hurting women. Since I stay at home with my kids and work from home I don't have much time to get out there and be on the streets loving drug dealers, so I consider this my ministry right now. Loving women and men who are hurting because of porn. Some weeks I get tons of emails, others I get one, but a week doesn't pass where a woman doesn't email me. Porn is just that big. That's why I started the blog www.morethandesire.com, to write articles that help others heal and love again.

Tell me more about your blog.

More than Desire is a blog mostly for women healing from their husband's porn addiction. I talk a lot about the heart of a woman. Basically, I wrote this blog because when I was healing I couldn't find anything that helped, really helped, me heal. I wanted to make something that I would have wanted myself. So that's what More than Desire is. What I would have loved to have had when I was healing.

Share a bit of how you and your husband came to the point of being so transparent about pornography. Was there ever a point where either of you felt like you wanted to hide your pasts from people?

Well, we're both naturally transparent about everything. All of our flaws, our weaknesses, our strengths -- they are sprawled out for the world to see. We don't like to hide. Hiding is so artificial. And being open about our flaws glorifies God. He is most glorified in our weaknesses. So ... how could we not be open about it? I think the only time George ever wanted to hide his past from people was when he was hiding porn from me. Other than that ... he has been very open and I've never wanted to hide this. How can anything be lit with the love of Christ if we're trying to hide it in a dark corner?

Last of all, what can we do to help women who are trapped in the sex industry or men who are addicted to the product?

Buy Exposed, first of all. :) Exposed proceeds will help The Pink Cross organization (and Covenant Eyes and XXXChurch). Pink Cross is led by Shelley Lubben, an ex-porn star who loves people out of porn. Even without buying Exposed, Pink Cross is a great ministry to support. Also, in all Exposed books we are including a card at the end of the book and an envelope to mail it back to us. This is an opportunity for readers to write a letter to a porn star. We will be creating a Web site called "Love Letters for Porn Stars" (coming soon www.loveletterstopornstars.com) and posting all of these letters on there. Also, we're going to put the cards in a pretty silver envelope and put them in a gift bag with other nice gifts. My friend Julie and I will be going to porn conventions to hand the letters/gift bags to girls in the industry. So ... those are a few ways! Prayer. Prayer is a big way you can help girls in the industry. And love. No judgment. Just love. Pure love. Seeing them through God's eyes, instead of objects.

K-Love Asks "Why Jesus?"

I had heard the promos on the radio all weekend. K-Love wanted listeners to make a 30-second video of why they love and follow Jesus. Every time I heard the ad, it was as if the Spirit nudged me to do that. Until a few months ago, I didn't have a video camera I could hook up to my computer, so this was new territory for me.

Driving home from my cousin Cody's wedding on Sunday night, I heard the ad again and couldn't shake the feeling that I was supposed to film a clip. But that made me think even harder about Why Jesus? Once I worked it out in my mind, I realized that I follow Him because He is real. If He were a creation of my own mind or a much-passed-down myth, I wouldn't have faith because He would have failed me at some point. So...if I follow because He's real--which also means all the things He claimed are true--then I should talk about when He felt most real to me.

So I did it.

And I didn't tell. Anyone.

Which is the weirdest part, since I shared everything with everyone!

Here's what came out:



Since Sunday night, several of my friends have heard it on K-Love and their website had it in the fist 18 videos they were showing. It's so exciting to be using my social media skills to promo something so much grander than my book or my writing: my Savior!

The Newest Addition to the Family!

Our hopes and dreams and prayers since September 2008 have been realized today with the adoption of our "Angel," 

Liliana Grace Berry!!

Update on Josh

If you've been following my tweets, or are on any prayer list I'm even slightly affiliated with, thank you for your prayers and concern!

By posting an update here, I have a central location to point everyone to and might lower my stress level.

WEDNESDAY
Josh wakes up, eats breakfast. One bout of diarrhea later, he's on the couch for the rest of the day. Never a fever. More and more complaints about his abdomen. Poppi (my dad) thinks possible appendicitis and calls me at the Oregon Christian Writers Summer Conference. Pain eases. We decide to wait and see. I have two fabulous appointments with editors, tape a 30-min interview with Mom and my niece about our legacy. (Don't worry, I will post a link when it airs.) Go to book signing, get pictures with Bill Myers & Nick Harrison with their books I had bought. Check my messages before going to sign my own books and find a gasping message from Josh and another from Dad saying he is begging for an ambulance. My roommates pack me up in under 5 minutes and send me on my way with the promise of lots of prayers.

Josh's dad & I meet at the St. Vincent's ER in Portland. Josh arrives shortly thereafter, not seeming in a ton of discomfort. We begin to wonder if the hospital was necessary. Maybe he was just missing me?

They hook him up to monitors and we begin to see a pattern develop. When his stomach hurts the most, his heart rate changes. They start coming in waves and we dub them "episodes." After a period of calm and nightfall, Josh's dad goes home and I stay in ER. Suddenly things change for the worse. Episodes are stronger and coming faster and faster. Kevin rushes back. I witness the worst episode. Nothing changed in Josh. His resting heartbeat was about 77. With out any movement or breathing change or thought on Josh's conscious part, it skyrockets to 165 and his oxygen level drops one number lower and lower and lower until it hits 72 percent and goes to a question mark. He writhes in pain, vacant-eyed, complaining of weight on his chest and his head splitting apart. This lasts about 8 minutes, with code blues going off, and me facing a very real temptation to panic. He demands, "PRAY! PRAY!" I choose to push the panic down and pray over his body.

Am I losing my son in front of me? Why had he just been talking about how heaven was going to be so cool?

 They give him two doses of morphine and the episodes fade away. Extreme vertigo and abdominal pain stay. He has an EKG, two x-rays, urine analysis, blood work, and preps for a cat scan. After the episodes, he suffers from hyperventilating. His feet and hands curl up and paralyze painfully.
 
THURSDAY
At 2 AM, they transfer us by ambulance to Doernbecher's (OHSU). By the time we arrive, he seems like a normal sick. No more episode, but his oxygen level drops every time he falls asleep, an after effect of the morphine. By 4 AM, we both fall asleep for a few hours. Nurses & doctors & team, oh, my! All day long. Another EKG, deeper level of blood panel. Urinalysis, stool samples, etc ... We are released at 5 PM. Just in time for rush hour. Takes 30 minutes to go 2 miles. He gets home and sleeps for 12 hours.

FRIDAY
Continues to be a normal sick. Can't walk at all yet though, and has to tip head if carried to trick his body into feeling like it's flat. Begs and begs to go back to the hospital because he needs to be seen by "professionals"--which implies that a mom is somehow not. At 10:30 complains more and more of stomach pain, begins to panic, and cries & moans until I get him to sleep at midnight.

SATURDAY
Wakes at 2 AM, crying and moaning. Intense pain for 2 hours before I can insurance and they say to take him back. Arrive at Doernbecher's before 5 AM. Another X-ray, ultrasound of intestine, and finally some meds that make him loopy. I glimpse the real Josh for a few hours, though his silliness is amplified and downright hilarious after the amount of sleep I've gotten. Released about 12 hours later with a long list of what it isn't, and the general idea that it must be some strange bug that messed with him pretty badly the first day, but should pass quickly. Test for Celiac, as we have a family history of it, and we find that out next week. Loopy half the way home, seeing crazy things in the clouds, screaming for the hospital the second half. Get him to sleep about 4:30 PM. He sleeps ... and sleeps ... and sleeps.


SUNDAY
He wakes up at 10 AM, 17.5 hours later. More of a normal sick day on loopy pills. Still unable to walk. Barely eats, but keeps hydrated.

MONDAY (today)
Eats a bit, begins walking, has times of pain, but finally gets to play every now and then.

To all of you, again, thank you for your prayers. Josh was baptized the weekend before this started. It's been years since he initially made a statement of faith. This experience confirmed something for me. He has truly placed his faith in God on his own volition, begging for prayers and saying how much better he felt knowing so many people were talking to God about him.

Love you!